Jokes

The Cruise

Laura — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 02:46:38 GMT

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Jim, Tom and Susie. They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do. After several years of casual sex, all the time, Susie felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing. She felt having sex with both Jim and Tom was so immoral and bad that she killed herself. It was tragic, but Jim and Tom managed to get ...

Chinese Calender

beverage — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 06:50:52 GMT

CHINESE CALENDAR!!! Something else to worry about..... I'm not really concerned about swine flu, but here's my concern.... 3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the, Cow... Mad Cow disease. 2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the, Bird... Avian flu. This year, Chinese calendar year of the, pig... Swine flu . Next year is the year of the cock.... Anybody else worried?

TPA Airlines

beverage — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 06:54:28 GMT

WELCOME TO TPA Terrorist-Proof Airlines ]We at TPA, Terrorist-Proof Airlines are in the flying business We can absolutely guarantee no, WALK-ON GUNS,KNIVES, BOX CUTTERS, SHOE-BOMBS or other weapons will ever be carried onto OUR FLIGHTS!Book your next flight with TPA the safest airline in the industry. AND, If a Muslim sees a naked woman, he is obliged to commit suicide...] so please forward!!!! [/i]

THE OUTHOUSE

largemouth — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:51:29 GMT

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out...."Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!" Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse." Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it." Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse! " Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!" Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin ...

You can't fix stupid

beverage — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 05:58:47 GMT

[b][size=9]"YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID"[/size][/b] [b]This should probably be placed in one of those "they walk among us" list.[/b][b] [/b] [b]Folks,Just remember as you read this,[/b] [b]this person probably drives AND votes![/b] [b]And may have already reproduced.[/b]

Warning...Never leave alcohol around your pumpkins

Laura — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:34:38 GMT

OBEYING UR MASTERS RULES

bosoxfan46 — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:40:01 GMT

following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.. [b]Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. [b]The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the ...

Carnation Milk

beverage — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:08:16 GMT

Carnation milk - 65 YEARS AGO ... This is priceless! A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation. When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in approximately the 1940's, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with 'Carnation Milk is best of all.' She thought to herself, I know all ...

Wife's nightie

beverage — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:05:21 GMT

Don't cough

pamuka — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 03:49:45 GMT

Don't cough Outside a chemist in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen. The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?" Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help." ...

I'm Waiting

pamuka — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 10:02:10 GMT

I'm Waiting

Judi was startled to see the nonchalant way Jon was taking the fact
that his lady love was seen with another man.
"You said you love her and yet you saw her with another man and you
didn't knock the guy down?"
"I'm waiting," Jon said.
"Waiting for what?" asked Judi.
"Waiting to catch her with a smaller fellow."

RANDOM THOUGHTS

bosoxfan46 — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:43:51 GMT

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 2. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? ...

The Farmer & Chuck

Laura — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:41:12 GMT

A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE. THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?" THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES." "I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT. "WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER." THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATER. HE SAT DOWN ...

This is a clean joke.

beverage — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 05:45:14 GMT

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to having a little whisk broom!' 'IMPOSSIBLE!' ...

CHILI ANYONE

largemouth — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 22:33:27 GMT

A hungry cowboy in the old west entered a saloon. With his belly grumbling, and his pockets short of change he was wondering how he would get some food. Then, he noticed an old cowboy next to him starring with no expression at a bowl of chili on the bar in front of him. The Hungry Cowboy watched for a while, wondering what the old Cowboys hold up was on eating the chili. Finally, the old cowboy sat up taller on his bar stool and pushed the chili away. Perplexed, the Hungry cowboy ...

A new ending to a favorite fairy tale

beverage — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 05:49:53 GMT

The big bad Wolf said "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down." The little piggy said "Ah... F...K off or I'll sneeze on you..."

Goodbye Mom!!

beverage — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:14:44 GMT

[center]Hope this touches you the way it touched me! GOODBYE MOM [/center] A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay." "I know it's silly, but ...

BETTER THAN A FLU SHOT

bosoxfan46 — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:42:06 GMT

Better than a Flu Shot!

Miss Beatrice, The church organist, Was in her eighties And had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness And kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor Came ...

I've sure gotten old......

Laura — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:12:04 GMT

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, Take 40 different medications that Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia .. Have poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

The Dentist

beverage — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 06:01:21 GMT

A guy & a girl meet at a bar. They get along so > >> well that they decide to go > >> > >> To the girl's place. > >> > >> A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and > >> then washes his hands. > >> > >> He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands. > >> > >> The girl has been, watching him and says, > >> "You must be a dentist." > >> > >> ...

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

bossman — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 22:00:16 GMT

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Bob says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like the dickens!! I guess I'd better see a doctor.' 'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart . Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a doctor.' So, Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes ...

MOTHER OF THE YEAR AWARD

bosoxfan46 — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:42:49 GMT

COULD YOU IMAGINE REALLY DOING THIS!!!! LMAO

CAT BETRAYED HIS GIRLFRIEND

bosoxfan46 — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:47:59 GMT

NOW THAT IS FUNNY!!!....LOL

NEVER TRUST A WOMAN

bosoxfan46 — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:23:40 GMT

SRY........ SAW THIS AND JUST ABOUT BUSTED A GUT!!!! LMAOOOOOOO

ms America

anutkat — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:17:10 GMT

This 19 year old ex-cheerleader (now an Air Force Security Forces Sniper) was watching a road that led to a NATO military base when she observed a man digging by the road. She engaged the target (i.e., she shot him). It turned out he was a bomb maker for the Taliban, and he was burying an IED that was to be detonated when a US patrol walked by 30 minutes later. It would have certainly killed and wounded several soldiers. The interesting fact of this story is the shot was measured at 725 ...